


Groovy, Baby!

by Cherikella



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Austin Powers - Freeform, Austin Powers AU, Charles You Slut, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Love, M/M, Nemesis - Freeform, Rivals, Spies & Secret Agents, Want, basically a lot of ridiculous things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7712494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherikella/pseuds/Cherikella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Austin Powers AU in which Charles is the international man of mystery Austin Powers and Erik is Dr. Evil, aka Dr. Magneto. </p><p>At some point during their… date… vague memories of supersecret evil plan flashed for a moment in Erik’s mind and he instantly gasped, pulling away from making out with his hot nemesis.<br/>“Charles! Charles, wait! I have a huge missile and I need to unload it right now!”<br/>Charles moaned. “Yes! Yes, I want your huge missile!” he gasped with pleasure and pulled Erik into his arms.<br/>…<br/>Oh, well. Screw world domination! This is groovy, baby!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Groovy, Baby!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a silly little ridiculous thing I came up with at 2 am instead of sleeping.  
> The characters are not necessarily... in character... But it is a crazy universe so just relax and enjoy yourself :)

Everybody knew Charles ‘Cerebro’ Xavier – the international man of mystery, the irresistible, the irreplaceable, the _grooviest_ spy!

Charles was famous for being the best top secret agent of the British Intelligence. By day he’d save the world, by night he’d party like he’d failed saving the world and the world was actually ending now. Ironic, indeed, but it’s how he lived. Until…

Erik Lehnsherr, aka Dr. Magneto – top graduate at Evil School of Evil and Charles’ nemesis froze himself… and not just because he moved his top secret lair to Antarctica, but also because he used science to cryogenically freeze himself and float around the Earth somewhere in space in a giant magnet-shaped space ship, waiting for the day he’d return to take over the world!

When Charles found out about this evil plan he bravely insisted upon being frozen as well because the only person who could ever stop Dr. Magneto was and always will be… Charles ‘Cerebro’ Xavier! 

~*~

**_40 years later…_ **

His right hand woman Emma Frost was the first person to welcome him when he landed on Earth. The process of unfreezing took a while, especially in Antarctica. He made a mental note to himself to look for warmer climates.

“So. Catch me up, Frost.” Dr. Magneto said “What’s new with the world? Are mutants still oppressed by these smelly, stupid, primitive humans?”

“Yes.”

“Good! Just as I thought! Time to plan my superclever, superevil plans to achieve mutant supremacy and world domination!” Erik rubbed his hands with a shark-like grin then arched an eyebrow at Emma’s direction. “Where’s my helmet?”

“It’s in the special helmet compartment, Dr. Magneto.” Emma replied. She pressed a button and the glass box with the helmet emerged from somewhere under the floor.

“Ah. Perfection.” He carefully opened the box and dramatically put the helmet back on his head as if crowning himself. “Now I feel at home. And no chance for that know-it-all Charles Xavier to ever find me or get inside me now!”

“It’s uncanny! He gets inside everything!” Emma shuddered.

“I know. That is why I always insist on using protection.” Magneto said, pointing at the helmet on his head. “Where is he, by the way? Charles Xavier, my old nemesis!”

“He’s been cryogenically frozen for the last 40 years much like you have, Dr. Magneto.” Emma supplied, showing him a few pictures she had hacked from the top secret freezer for persons, located under the headquarters of the British Intelligence, aka BI.

“Ugh.” Erik rolled his eyes. “Must he always do everything I do?” he sat back down on his specially made evil chair and started playing with his metal balls. “Well, back to the matters at hand.” He continued eyes fixed on Emma who was still standing like a soldier in white in front of him. “I need a briefing on what’s happened in the world while I was gone. What’s changed?”

“Everything.” She said.

“Okay… I am a mastermind but I’d appreciate a few more details to draw a picture.”

Emma took a deep breath and quickly recited everything she could think of that has changed for the last 40 years. “The cold war between mutants and humans is over now and both species are living in peace.” She finished her big speech, punctual and expeditious as always.

Erik grimaced. “Only boring changes.” He shook his head. “Luckily I’m here to make things more interesting. And peace? Not for long! I’ll make sure those humans learn their place!”

“Of course, Dr. Magneto.”

“Anything else?”

“Well… there is one thing that is rather important…”

Erik tilted his head. “Yes?”

“Remember how before you froze yourself you wanted your semen frozen first? So that you have an heir just in case something happens to you? And that heir was supposed to take over after you?”

“Yeah, sure. So?”

“So… we at the Brotherhood got impatient and… meet your son!”

“I have a son???”

Emma nodded with a little smile. “You do indeed.” She said sweetly and then yelled “PETEEEEEEEER!”

In a second the boy with the silver hair appeared in front of Erik, eyed him carefully and then huffed.

Erik got emotional. He got up from his chair, forgetting about his balls, and spread his arms for an embrace. “My boy! You’re so quick and silver!” he exclaimed as one manly tear of joy and fatherly love was sliding down his cheek. “Come give papa a hug!” 

Peter frowned. “You’re absent for all of my life and _now_ suddenly you drop down from space and you want to have a relationship with me? In your _sweet dreams_!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, my quicksilver, come give me a hug.”

“Nope.”

“Hug. Now. Don’t make me use the metal.”

“Don’t make me run.”

“Okay, fair point. Hug later.” He sunk back into his chair and gave Emma a little smile. “I’m so proud he’s a mutant!”

~*~  
Meanwhile the British Intelligence discovered that the evil Dr. Magneto has defrosted himself and is planning some evil plans with his right hand Miss Frost and His Brotherhood. The head of the BI Hank McCoy knew what to do – time to bring back Charles ‘Cerebro’ Xavier!

~*~

“Groovy mutation, baby!” Charles gave his new partner Agent Moira McTaggert a winning smile as he was shaking her hand. “Your hair looks fabulous! Beautiful genes! May I touch?”

“Umm, I believe we need to get you some clothes first.” Moira said a little unsettled by the man’s odd behavior as well as his nakedness. He had just been reanimated from his cryonic freezing and still not dressed.

“I don’t mind nudity, baby. Tell you what, I showed you mine, your turn to show me yours.” He chuckled with a wink. “Don’t you love the 60’s!?”

Agent McTaggert pursed her lips. She knew he basically just popped out of the 60’s but still some things were unacceptable! “This isn’t the 60’s anymore, Mr. Xavier, and I’m here to help you adjust to our new world.”

“As long as there’s free love, peace and lots science, I’m good, baby!” Charles grinned at her, opening his arms for a hug.

Moira arched an eyebrow. “Um, no.”

“Awww” he pouted “But I’ve been frozen for the last 40 years. Don’t I get some affection?”

“Not necessarily, no.” she shook her head.  

“But I know you want it.” Charles persisted with an adorable little grin that usually no person could resist. “I can read your beautiful mind—“

“I know you can read my mind. But this is unprofessional.” Moira insisted, putting her hands on her hips.

“But baby… I know I make you horny!”

“Read my mind now.”

“I’d rather read your lips.” Charles smiled, eyes lingering on her mouth.

“Read it!”

He did and his smile slowly faded away. “Oh.”

Moira nodded.  

He opened his mouth as if to say something but no words came out so he only turned around on his heels and left to the next room to put some clothes on.

“We’ve learned that Dr. Magneto is back to head his Brotherhood.” Moira said to the half-closed door.

“My nemesis!” Charles called from the other room as he was putting on his old 60’s clothes on.

“That’s why the world once again needs you, Mr. Xavier. To stop him like you have so many times before.”

“Sounds like a groovy plan! I’ll just zip my trousers and we’ll stop that evil refrigerator!”

“Umm, okay… Unfortunately we still don’t know what his plans are…”

“That’s fine.” Charles said emerging from the doorframe and striking a pose in his retro clothes. “I know him well. I know exactly what his plan is!”

“Oh?” she said, impressed.

Charles nodded proudly. “He’ll try to come up with something original and overly dramatic at first but then when he realizes he can’t actually think of anything, he’d finally just go with his usual same old.”

“Which is?”

“His soft spot. A big huge large missile.”

~*~

Meanwhile in Dr. Magneto’s secret evil lair…

“One hug and I’ll buy you lots of Pepsi.” Erik tried for a hundredth time.

Peter slowly arched an eyebrow.

“Alright then, maybe get you a new bicycle…? Chips? GoGo boots?” he huffed “I’ve been frozen for 40 years, damn it, throw me a bone here! What do you want? I’m hip! I can be hip!”

Erik did a little dance with a few metal pieces floating around him in rhythm with his moves.

“See? I’m hip!”

“Don’t ever do that again.” Peter said with a pained expression on his face.

“A hug and I’ll stop?”

And so evil Dr. Magneto finally got a hug from his son.  Then he sat back down in his evil chair of evil.

“Now that I fixed the father-son relationship and made up for 16 years of absence in my son’s life, we can move on to the more important things! How to stop Charles Xavier from stopping me! Any ideas, Miss Frost?”

“I’ve actually prepared a little something for him.” Emma said, not in a shy way. “We all know Charles Xavier is a slut famous for flirting by using scientific fun facts.”

Erik swallowed. “Yes.” He agreed, voice oddly strained. “And?”

“I’ve created this amazing android who looks exactly like a human.” She said and after pressing another button a blue woman with red hair arrived in the room. She was completely naked. “This is Mystique. She can transform into practically anyone! She gathers brainwaves from her target and then transforms into their most secret and true desires. There’s no way he’d refuse to go to bed with her. And when he does… well” Emma chuckled proudly “Mystique is also a lethal weapon. She’s going to destroy him.”

“Perfection.” Erik said. “We found his weak spot! Now we can move on to our super evil plan for world domination and mutant supremacy.”

“Yes, it’s right here on the agenda. Super evil plan.” Emma nodded, checking her list. “What evil plans do you have in mind, Dr. Magneto?”

“We could lift a stadium. I’m pretty skilled at that.”

“You’ve done it already.”

Erik made a face. “Get that funny blue guy that looks like a giant smurf and thinks he’s a god?”

“Apocalypse?”

“That’s the one! He’s hilarious!” Erik chuckled “Cracks me up every time!”

“We can’t. He’s retired from Evil.” Emma frowned. “Now he does voices in commercials.”

“Ugh. That blows.” Erik sighed. “Oh, well then, we’ll go with the classics. Get some big huge large missile and lots of guns and freak out the humans.”

“Sounds exceptional, sir.” Emma smiled approvingly.

“Well, I’ve got style. I’m Mag- _neto_.” Erik winked at his son who rolled his eyes at him once again before disappearing into his room.

~*~

Meanwhile where the good guys are…

Moira showed some slides to Charles while they were on a plane to New York.

“This is a snapshot of the latest glimpse BI got of Lehnsherr.” She said.

Charles furrowed his brow. “Oh, cor blimey! His metal balls have gotten bigger!”

“His right hand woman has last been seen in New York, hence why we’re going there now.” Moira continued.

Charles took the device from Moira’s hands and checked out Erik’s picture from a closer distance. “Hold on! He’s not in New York!” Charles said, gaining Moira’s attention. “He’s heading to his new lair, a hot climate… Miami!”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh, yes! I told you I’m marvelous at this. He’s definitely going to Miami. Look at his scarf!”

“How can you know from just his scarf???” Moira exclaimed.

“I’m just so groovy. Trust me, baby. Turn the plane to Miami and let’s grope Erik! I mean—I mean, let’s _grab_ Erik. Not grope. Grab. That’s what I meant. Yes.”

~*~

Azazel gave everyone a friendly smile and announced: “Welcome to our group therapy for fathers and sons. Today we have two new faces – Peter and… Dr. Magneto (am I pronouncing it right? Good)... Peter, why don’t we start with you? What brings you here?”

Erik glanced at his son waiting for him to speak.

“Well, my father.” Peter said. “He’s terrible! He keeps on and on about mutant supremacy and world domination! It’s so annoying!”

“I’m involved with mutant politics. I do things. I have a career. You have to respect that, Quicksilver, and be proud of your papa.” Magneto said.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Peter told the therapist – Azazel. “That name! He comes out of nowhere and he just changes my name to Quicksilver to sound more ‘evil’. Just because you have a stupid nickname doesn’t mean I want one too! I’m not like you!”

“Quicksilver is a lovely name!” Erik insisted. “What other name do you want?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Peter pouted

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you? I thought the hug fixed it all!”

Peter rolled his eyes. Erik huffed.

“I didn’t even know you existed! I was _frozen for 40 years! **Frozen!**_ So let it go already! _”_

Peter gasped. “So you have time to check out Frozen and Frozen Fever but you don’t have time to actually get to know me better before you start nagging me about joining the family business? Ugh! You’re so frustrating!” Peter stormed out.

Erik blinked at Azazel a few times.

 “It was a cute movie. Catchy tunes.” Magneto said defensively  as Azazel nodded in understanding.

~*~

Meanwhile Charles didn’t get to bang Moira but he wasn’t that disappointed about it either – he flirted with everyone, it’s not like Moira was special; it’s not like Moira was Er—never mind. He managed to discover Dr. Magneto’s new top secret lair in Miami and that was the important part!

 Charles smuggled himself inside the lair and started trying different rooms looking for Dr. Magneto. Instead in one of the bedrooms he found…

“My name is Mystique.” She said.

“You’re blue.” Charles said, not unpleasantly surprised.

“I can be anything you want me to be.” She said, getting closer to him

“Aaargh.” Charles articulated.

She tilted her head and placed her hand on his shoulder, making him shiver.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you something right now…?” Charles muttered, frowning. “Oh, right! You’re in Dr. Magneto’s secret lair! Why are you here? You’re one of his minions! That would explain the mysterious name!”

Mystique removed her hand and looked at Charles intensely. “And you’re a spy! I can tell!”

“Alright, alright! You’ve got me! I’m BI” Charles said showing his British Intelligence badge.

“Oh, well,” she shrugged, “so am I.”

“What? Oh! No, no, no, _I’m_ BI, _you’re_ an evil android who’s supposed to kill me.”

“But I’m also bi.” She insisted.

“No, no, _I’m_ BI.” Charles was just as stubborn.

“Alright. There’s no problem in us both being bi.” Mystique said, her hand returning to his shoulder, rubbing it gently.

“I think we’re misunderstanding one another…”

“Words are confusing. Let’s act!” she said and picking up his desires from his brainwaves she transformed into whatever form he most desired.

“WHAT THE DAMN HELL!?!?!?!?” Magneto who was secretly watching this entire conversation suddenly showed up, eyebrows raised.

Mystique had transformed into _him_.

“I’m your deepest desire???” Magneto stared at Charles.

“Yes! I mean… No! I mean I desire to handcuff you!” Charles stated professionally.

“Charles!” Magneto blushed and gave him a little smile “I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.”

Charles blinked for a moment and then gasped. “I mean because I’m a spy and you’re under arrest!”

“Oh, yes! Roleplaying! Fun! I’m game for it!”

Charles huffed and rolled his eyes taking out his handcuffs. “No, Dr. Magneto, I am actually arresting you for—wait a second… You’re _game for it???”_

“Well, yeah.” Magneto nodded. “Don’t look at me like that – you’re the one who proposed it!”

“I didn’t mean—Wait! Do I make you horny?” Charles asked still not quite believing it.

At this point Mystique just rolled her robotic eyes and exited the room.  

“Well, do I?” Charles asked again.

“Why do you think I wear this stupid helmet all the time?” Erik groaned. “For years I’ve been wearing it because I didn’t want you to find out that I have a major crush on you since that time in Cuba!”

“Oh behave!” Charles gasped with a huge smile on his face.

“So… you too?” Erik asked almost shyly.

“Oh, yes!” Charles nodded enthusiastically

“In that case, how about you and I… how about we…”

“Shag?” Charles suggested, eyes sparkling.

“I was gonna say go out on a date and watch Frozen together but your idea sounds better.”

“You got it, baby!”

At some point during their… _date…_ vague memories of supersecret evil plan flashed for a moment in Erik’s mind and he instantly gasped, pulling away from making out with his hot nemesis.

“Charles! Charles, wait! I have a huge missile and I need to unload it right now!”

Charles moaned. “Yes! Yes, I want your huge missile!” he gasped with pleasure and pulled Erik into his arms.

…

Oh, well. Screw world domination! This is groovy, baby!


End file.
